How to Improve Your Relationships with Mindfulness

26.12.2016

No man is an island, and no one can live in complete isolation. Our relationships help us grow, and can be a great source of happiness. On the flip side, relating to others can be complicated - even stressful at times.

 

When a relationship is going well, whether at work or at home, we’re better able to go about our daily lives and be our best selves. We all need love and validation to feel secure.

 

Without sufficient positive input from those around us, however, we can begin to feel insecure and we can develop a damaged sense of self. It can be a minefield figuring out what we need from others (and what we need to give them in return). Mindfulness training can help us to change the way we think and feel. That can help us to improve relationships in our daily lives.

 

Breaking and preventing negative thought patterns

In their book Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression, Segal, Williams and Teasdale tell the story of how someone’s state of mind can affect their perception of their relationship.

 

A woman called Mary has just received a voicemail from her husband to say he will be late home. As Mary waits, she experiences a range of physical and psychological symptoms; she fears the worst, and considers that he might be having an affair and she may be abandoned.

 

Mary enters ‘a whole mode of mind’, as moods, thoughts, images, impulses and body sensations come over her. Mary is someone prone to ruminating; her state of mind is not only determined by her thoughts, but also her propensity to dwell on them.

 

Many of us find ourselves dwelling in unhelpful ways on troublesome events – in life and in our relationships. Mindfulness training helps us to find ways of disengaging from negative thought processes and perhaps to see our partner’s actions in a different light, without automatically thinking the worst.

Becoming more aware of ourselves

Research shows that people who meditate develop a better awareness of their unconscious mind. Our thoughts and intentions towards other people are often good, but when we are caught up in everyday life, we might not choose the actions we intend to take. Mindfulness training brings about a greater awareness of how we might act and what we want from our relationships.

 

With meditation we can train ourselves to become more aware of the present moment and the thoughts that come and go. We can choose what we hang on to and what we want to let go of. This gives us greater control over our actions and how we treat other people. We can also choose to let go of toxic feelings, such as: anger, jealousy, resentment.

Developing empathy for other people

When we are wrapped up in our busy lives, it’s easy to lose sight of the needs of others. Caring for others and understanding their challenges, as well as our own is important for successful relationships. Research suggests that mindfulness training develops our compassion and empathy, so that we can understand and appreciate others more effectively. This not only helps our personal relationships, but our professional ones too.

 

Mindfulness training is an effective way to improve the quality of the relationships we have at home, and at work. Successful relationships can bring a deeper sense of peace and happiness to our lives, making mindfulness a great tool to have in our toolbox.